“Teenagers are like velociraptors.”
I said this at a training recently and was met with nervous laughter. Before I could expound, one of my students offered, “Because they’re always hungry?” While true, this was not the direction I was going. In the movie, Jurassic Park, the velociraptors systematically went around their enclosure testing the electric fence. Teens also constantly test the boundaries we set up. The difference is, they are actually comforted by “the fence”. Kids like structure though they will never admit it and test boundaries at every opportunity. Boundaries should be all about safety and not control.
Social/Ministry Boundaries
Schedule days off, vacation days, holidays and time with friends/family. This not only keeps you sane and healthy, but it models sanity and health to “your kids”. “Hey Gil, can you come to my concert/game/confirmation/birthday party on Thursday?” My reply, “Sorry, but remember that’s Date Night at the Carter house.” Their response, “Dude, I totally forgot. I’ll let you know how it goes.” Students might be disappointed in the short-term, but will value your intentionality in your relationships. It will give them something to imitate in their own interactions if they see you are healthy.
We worked with two mid-twenties women who were on the verge of burnout. Why? Because they moved into a house two blocks from the schools where they did ministry. Kids felt comfortable coming over during lunch during school because the ladies had hosted a weekly meal. The result was they had not day off, no downtime. Once they were counseled on how to re-claim their lives, they passed on to students that, when the blinds were shut, they weren’t available. When the teen community got used to the idea, the women’s health returned quickly. It was also a great ministry teaching moment for the teens.
Physical Boundaries
Hugs are awesome! Many people have touch as their love language. So how does a 45 year old youth person avoid giving awkwardly long, full-body hugs to teenage girls/guys? In addition to this being just inappropriate, it also sets the minister up for some career-affecting allegations. It may cause some confusing feelings to emerge from the teen too. Being up front with kids is the best policy ever for things like this. “I love you guys, but I also want you safe.” A-frame or side hugs pass on the sentiment without being awkward.
Social Media Boundaries
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and Tumblr are great ministry tools. Through them, we can share information, photos, and life. They are also extremely dangerous if left in public mode. If you post things on your personal pages, Other things that don’t need to be seen can be posted as well. Remember that frat party photo with the keg over your head? If one of your college rommates posts that on your personal page, you will have some splainin’ to do. It’s one thing to be transparent with your ministry kids, but quite another for them to be confronted with images.
Another peril is posting the locations of ministry events or teen photos in a public social media venue. First, make sure you have a photo release for EVERY kid’s pic. That honors the parents’ wishes as to whether or not they even want their child’s photo publically displayed. Having kid shots up on your ministry venue is a great way to draw more kids. Teens love looking at themselves and their friends. That said, predators and other disturbed people have access to social media and internet searches. If you make all your sites private (the ones that have that option), then only the people you know can see your information and pics. Same reason for not showing locations on public sites. In a fallen world, it’s not unusual for an individual to show up at an event with nefarious intentions. Protect your kids!
I hope you’ve seen this blog as balanced and not all negatives. Youth ministry is all about stewardship. Youth are placed into our care to shepherd and keep safe as possible. Boundaries are a HUGE help in this. Boundaries = Good.
More to follow. Thanks for listening.
